Archive | May, 2010

The Universe Makes Sense Again.

31 May

So, when P.H. was made redundant (what an ugly word) in December, she had a minor crisis and embarked on a interview process that was both frustrating and soul crushing (more on recruiting at a later date).  Either way, early in the process she had an excellent interview with a local company.  She and the potential Princess-to-be hit it off, and P.H. had dreams of her own office and Ramadan hours.

Then, the former managing director arranged an interview with a MAJOR CEO in town for P.H.  It was, unfortunately, the same day, P.H. needed to give Princess-to-be an answer for the job offer.  The CEO (who was housed in a super iconic place in the city, which is about all he had going for him) waited until the very last second to say ‘thanks, but no thanks.’

P.H. immediately followed up with Princess-to-be, sending an e-mail saying, “Yes – I can’t wait to join your team.”

The response?

“Because you didn’t get back to us (P.H. was delayed by 20 minutes), we offered the position to someone else.”

The thing is, P.H. knew who they were offering the job to.  Let it be said that E.A.’s come in all shapes and forms.  Certain E.A.’s are cut out to excel in their role, while others are perhaps better suited for other jobs.  An employer interested in P.H. certainly wouldn’t want Rish.  If the employer wasn’t smart enough to realize that fact, then P.H. has no further interest in the subject or the company.  With a simple phone call, Princess-to-be could have sorted out the situation – unfortunately, she did not make that call.

At the time, P.H. was devastated.  Then, she decided, it obviously wasn’t meant to be and moved on with her life.

Fast forward 4 months.

Princess-t0-be sends P.H. an e-mail – “How are you?  What are you doing? Are you still interested in working with us?”

P.H. had no great satisfaction than writing how nice it was to hear from Princess-to-be, but that she was currently and happily employed.  Hiding her glee, and resisting the urge to type I TOLD YOU SO! in large block letters, P.H. wonders where Rish will find employment.


A Note About Food.

30 May

Eating is something everyone does.  It’s a fact of life.  However, some of us eat much better than others.  If you are what you put into your body, what would you choose?  What if you had no monetary limits?

Some of us (i.e. executives) fall into this category.  For those I have recently supported, almost everything they eat is paid for via expense accounts.  So, dear reader, if someone was paying you a per diem to have almost anything you wanted for every meal – what would you choose?  Sushi?  Curry?  Steaks?

How about McDonald’s?

How about McDonald’s every day for a week?

How about McDonald’s every day for a week and super sugary drinks from Starbucks every afternoon?

How about adding more meat to your every order?

What if you were a doctor?

P.H. used to wonder quite a bit about the health and safety of Micro Princess to her co-worker Mrs. Fabulous.  Mrs. F. couldn’t understand the fascination with the food selections or why P.H. even paid attention.  It was mostly because P.H. could not understand how an adult would choose such unhealthy food day after day.  While McD’s is good as a ‘sometime’ food, after a week, wouldn’t you just feel gross?  Wouldn’t you crave a salad?  Furthermore, if a grown man chooses to feed himself with fast food every day – how smart is he really?  Perhaps that was the biggest issue P.H. had with the matter.

Of course, Micro Princess was the polar opposite to Princess.  Princess, all 6’5″ of him, would basically never eat.  In all his expenses there would be many missing meals…

Try eating this every day for a week.

What do mean the time changes?

27 May

Another day, another story about the Micro Princess.

Now, while many conversations and crazy comments can be taken out of context, certain questions stand out as utterly ridiculous.  The P.H. has undoubtedly said some stupid things in her day, however, sometimes she wonders at the intelligence of her bosses.

(Micro Princess is a Doctor, as in a licensed medical practitioner. Please keep this in mind when reading the below story).

With growing dread, P.H. sees Micro Princesses number come up one morning.  Preparing herself, knowing there will be a specific request or insane question, she picks up.  After making some small talk, in regards to a particular teleconference,  she hears this gem:

“What do you mean the time changed?!”

There is no way of conveying the amount of anger and frustration in Micro Princess’s voice.  It is as if he expects, nay, demands P.H. to stop this worldwide event from happening.  It is as if he is personally insulted that such a thing should happen.  P.H. is speechless before, rather sarcastically, she responds, “You know, like it does every fall and spring.”

While it can be noted that time does not change in Dubai, and the fact that Micro Princess resided in South Africa for many years, where the time also does not vary, it should also be mentioned that Micro Princess has been a consultant for many years and has traveled all over the world.  The concept of daylight savings should not be unknown to him, nor should he fly into a rage over the event.

Furthermore, as with any of the stories in this blog – THIS IS OFFICE WORK – NO ONE IS GOING TO DIE IF A CALL HAPPENS ONE HOUR LATER.  And he should know this fact better than anyone – he is a doctor.

Somehow, P.H. manages to soothe Micro Princess’s troubled mind about the time change and barely makes it off the phone without laughing hysterically.

What do you mean it’s cold in Switzerland?

26 May

Hello, and welcome back to another installment of Life as an E.A.

Another story from the life of Princess Helper…

At P.H.’s previous job, she was given a new executive to look after.  She had been with The Firm for a year, was looking after original Princess, and even took care of The Attack, the managing director, from time to time.  She had a good handle on how things worked.  Unfortunately, she could not get her new exec, dubbed Micro Princess, to fit into her assisting style.  He was awkward.  He got weirdly nervous around P.H..

As P.H. basically had no tolerance for this sort of action, she put herself on the schedule for a little ‘feedback session.’ (Sidebar, terms like ‘feedback session,’ ‘do the needful,’ and ‘gentle reminder’ are all phrases, that, while necessary, basically cause P.H.’s skin to crawl).  The allotted time came, and P.H. marched up to Micro Princess’s office and opened the session with a bit of small talk, “How was Switzerland?”

Micro Princess had been traveling for work in the country off and on for the better part of two months.  It was late October.

His response?

“It was cold. I had to buy a jumper.” (*Micro Princess then tried to pass over a DKNY sweater at 100+ Euros as an expense – the P.H. did not submit).

P.H. had no idea how to respond to this statement.  As both P.H. and Micro Princess were both residents of Dubai, it can be taken as a fact that EVERY OTHER PLACE IN THE WORLD would be cooler than their fair Emirate.  Especially Europe.  Especially Europe IN THE LATE FALL.  But it was his following statement that caused her to have a sad.

“You know what?  You should put the temperature of where I’m going in my calendar.”

At this point, P.H. knew the relationship was irreconcilable.  How could a grown man not know that a place so far north would be cool?  That he needed to pack a jacket?  That he could go online and in approximately 5 seconds find the temperature in his destination…?

In our next edition, P.H. and Micro Princess battle daylight savings time.

No, my boss doesn't actually look like this guy.

I Hate Cupcakes.

23 May

These entries will serve any number of purposes.  As both P.H. and B.S.C.G are almost completely intolerant of others, their involvement with the general population serves to frustrate and annoy them on a regular and ongoing basis.

Hence why scenes like below do not inspire their belief or hope in humanity.

Actual conversation from the office:

(A bit of backstory, P.H. has been at her new office for approximately 8 days when she decides to pick up designer cupcakes as a nice gesture for her coworkers).

INT. Tiny, cramped Office

Princess Helper arrives with bag, purse, and box of designer cupcakes.


Hey guys, I was nearby Sugar Daddy’s last night, and I picked up some cupcakes for everyone.


Wow, thanks – these are good.


Where are they from?

(points to box)
Sugar Daddy’s.*

(*For the uninformed, there are a number of deluxe bakeries in town, Sugar Daddy’s is the original and makes only cupcakes).




They were close by, and well, are kind of delicious.


What about Kitch?*

(*Kitch is another designer cupcake bakery, located at least 20 minutes away from Sugar Daddy’s.)


I was next door to Sugar Daddy’s.


Oh, Kitch is much better.

(can only look incredulously)
Well, I was right there.

End of conversation.  The Hater chooses not to eat ANY of the cupcakes during the day.  For the record, cupcakes are basically the same collection of sugar, butter, and flour anywhere, around the world.

P.H. had hopes for her new office, but this 2 minute conversation ended all dreams of a normal working environment.

The Sugar Daddy's counter

Why would you turn this down?


22 May

Hello and welcome to Lessons from An EA, a website dedicated to sharing lessons, situations, and other humorous events in the workplace, specifically from the perspective of someone in a support role.

Who are we?

Princess Helper (P.H.) – a thirty something assistant starting in a new and very small office.  She has looked after Princesses (executives) for almost seven years.

Ball Scratcher Care Giver (BSCG) – an office manager looking after an unholy group of Italians.

Together, these ladies will be venting their frustrations via a blog in an attempt to entertain you and themselves.

Hello world!

22 May

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