Archive | July, 2010

So much drama in the LBC.

29 Jul

P.H. couldn’t predict how today (or this never ending week) would turn out.  When she walked in, there had already been a lot of drama.  The Hater, in perhaps the most conversation ever, shared the following tale of woe:  one of the investment puppies had sent her a message the previous evening around 10PM, instructing her that he would be sending over some VERY IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS at some point in the night.  The VID would be necessary, nay, vital, for a meeting the following morning.  She forwarded the note onto the tea boy, telling him to come in early and print out the complicated document.  She also told the driver he would be needed to pick up the 8 copies.

What happened?

The tea boy messed up the printing, the driver left without the documents.  The Puppy sent a very terse e-mail to the Hater.

Later in the day, the driver called to YELL at the Hater.

Her response?

Tears.  Lots and lots of tears.  Nevermind there is a bathroom she could go to and boo-hoo to her heart’s content.  She sits at her little desk and stirs attention from an uninterested P.H., the accountant, and tea boy.

P.H. made cooing sounds and tried to feign concern, when she really wanted to explain to the Hater, “Sweetheart, it’s YOUR JOB to see something simple like the printing of a document from start to finish.  You have no one to blame but yourself. Also, it’s far more difficult in this town to find a driver than it is an assistant.”

P.H. also finds it rather sad that no less than FOUR of her coworkers passed the blame on this particular mishap.

It was more complicated. Trust me.

Sugar Daddy.

27 Jul

And not the cupcake retailer.

Over the past month, P.H. has come to the realization that many of those she supports could be classified as ‘sugar daddies.’  This puts forward an interesting conundrum.  While P.H. has personally been responsible for putting together travel itineraries wherein the woman traveling has zero responsibility for any costs incurred.  Let us be clear, dear reader, P.H. is not talking of a quick trip to Vegas to stay at Circus Circus, she is referring to first class tickets and staying at 5* resorts.

P.H. wonders, just what is it these women are doing to create this scenario?  Sexual exploits aside, where do they meet the Sugar Daddies?  How do the conversations go?

“Hi, yes, I will sleep with you – by the by, I expect you to take me to the One and Only and fly me first class to the Maldives?”

Sorry, honey, you have to put out to get here.

P.H. misses her original Princess.  While he was a proper Princess, he had a family he loved and was not sleeping around on his wife, or dropping buckets of money to fly freeloaders around the world.  P.H. supposes she has more respect for him than she originally imagined.

Fun link and further notes on being sick.

21 Jul

So, P.H. had two blissful, quiet days without the Talker or the Hater to mess things up.  She will not share the ‘I’m returning tomorrow’ e-mail the Hater sent, but suffice to say the grammar was atrocious.  Due to the 9 hours of constant coughing, sniffling, and throat clearing from Sunday, it is no surprise that P.H. herself is also starting to feel sick.

When P.H. arrived this morning, her first question was, “How are you?  Are you feeling better?”

“No.”

There was no ‘wow, thanks for covering for me – I really appreciate it’ or anything similar.

Another gem from today? P.H. offered, on multiple occasions, cough drops to the Hater (who has been coughing non-stop for most of the day).

“No, I have my own.”

Which begs the question, why doesn’t she use them? P.H. knows, why force logic on the situation?

Lifehacker goodness below:

http://lifehacker.com/5591723/tonecheck-stops-you-from-sending-passive-aggressive-or-plain-aggressive-emails

On Sick Days.

19 Jul

P.H. realizes people get sick.  Although the occurrence of sick days is higher in this office than it is in others, she grudgingly accepts that one day off a week for a ‘pulled muscle’ is apparently acceptable, tolerated, and more or less expected.

What she doesn’t tolerate or respect is the following message from the Hater.  Let P.H. preface this by saying, The Hater knew she would not be in the office today.  And yet…

GM P.H.,

Yes, she is too cool to actually write out, “Good morning.”

I won’t be coming to work today n tomorrow as I have bronchitis n fever. I can’t even talk as throat is infected. So doctor has advised to take 2 days off.

Apparently, typing the word “and” is entirely too taxing.

P.H.,

If u don’t mind can u cover me up as in today n tomorrow can u come early by 9 as the telehone switchboard will be left unattended.

Would appreciate it.

No, Hater, P.H. will not come in an hour early because a) we don’t get calls and b) you sent this at 8:30.  Also, the use of ‘n’ grates on her very soul.

Still, P.H. is thoroughly enjoying the blissful quiet of this day.  Even if she has to cover for 6 people and prepare for an office move, the extra work is completely worth it.

Another relevant link.

18 Jul

Just reading the comments makes P.H. feel better about the Hater.  P.H. am not alone in the universe!

http://lifehacker.com/5587259/top-10-tips-for-surviving-office-life

A Note on Personal Work.

18 Jul

P.H. fondly remembers a time when work was work.  Personal shit was taken care of by the respective boss or executive.  With the exception of the Executive Producer, the demands on P.H.’s time were solely dedicated and motivated by actual work related to…work.

Then she moved to the Middle East.  For her former Princess, P.H. always wondered why she was required to do personal work when Princess’s spouse had no job.  It took a few years, but she got over it.  Still, P.H. bristles for e-mails like this one:

HI P.H.,

To do list:

  1. NYC trip
  2. Citibank charge
  3. HSBC charge
  4. BNY Mellon
  5. Brazilian Girlfriend’s healthcare

Each thing on this list is personal.  There is no ‘please’ or ‘thank you.’ P.H. suspects this terseness may have something to do with Mr. Boss’s anniversary weekend.  As P.H. received e-mails throughout the time period, she fears Mr. Boss may not have been laid.

Breaking news.

15 Jul

THE MULLET HAS BEEN CRIMPED!  What a glorious Thursday it is!  (Never mind that the Hater took off two hours during the day to go and make this happen. )
Update:  It gets better.  When P.H. inquired about the coif development, the Hater informed her the hairdo was for trial only.  Apparently, it is the Hater’s birthday on Saturday.  Since she’s going out tomorrow night, the crimping is preparatory only to see if she’ll wear it this way for her festivities tomorrow evening.

P.H. wishes there was a non-obvious way to get a picture.

How was P.H. to know?!

14 Jul

http://lifehacker.com/5585839/consider-your-coworkers-before-taking-a-job

New office details! (and a$$holery).

14 Jul

P.H. sees a light at the end of the tunnel.  Today she did a walk through of the new offices.  Ironically, while she will still be sharing a (bigger) office with three other people – it is technically a step up and the view is kind of awesome.  P.H. will be housed with the investment team, which, no doubt will be the source of some new and interesting stories for this blog.  The Talker will have her own enclave, and best of all…

…the Hater will be at reception (far away from P.H.).  The Hater does not know this fact yet.  The Hater will undoubtedly freak out when this occurs.  P.H. eagerly looks forward and anticipates this day.

It does not look like this right now.

Unfortunately, given the timing of the move, it appears P.H. will have to do some actual work – with the Hater leaving for a month, everything related to the move will be on P.H.’s shoulders.   P.H. knows better than to ask or receive any offer of help from the Hater, so she’s a bit intimidated about the next 30 days, but a trip to Amsterdam is waiting at the end of it.

Finally, a note from one of the Investment Puppies:

“What’s the delay in actioning this?”

‘This’ refers to a meeting invitation which he has already been copied on and knows all the details of.  The ‘action’ P.H. needed to take was to hit ‘send’ for a calendar invite.  The time between the initial instruction and this e-mail?  Approximately 90 minutes.

Can you feel the sarcasm in P.H.’s response?

My apologies – I was at the new offices doing a walk through Super Boss and The Talker, preparing for our move next month.

What she wanted to write?

Asshat, you know when the frakking meeting is – get over yourself.

Love and kisses,

P.H.

Manners, et al.

12 Jul

P.H. would like to point out some things to the co-workers she shares a closet with:

1. If you are going to have extended personal conversations (more than 5 minutes…), do the right thing and step out of the office.  P.H. would like to remind you that we have five additional offices at our discretion.  You are more than welcome to step into any of these spaces and carry on your  (many and multiple) non-work related discussions.

2. The use of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ go a very long way.  Even if you were not raised in a house where manners were utilized on a daily basis, making use of these pleasantries can go a long way for work morale.  P.H. encourages use of these polite gestures in any language – she herself can say ‘thank you’ in Arabic, English, Hindi, French, and Spanish and does so throughout the day – the her taxi driver, the tea boys, etc.  Even the most abrupt direction can sound nicer when you add, ‘please.’