So, the move still hasn’t happened yet. P.H. is in no way surprised by this fact.
Apparently, the company was supposed to move on Jul y31st. Then August 14th. Now, it might be next week?
One tiny, minor detail was overlooked. The kitchen has no sink. There are only two bathrooms, and no way of connecting the existing drainage system.
We might need one of these.
Oh, work, how you amuse P.H.
For as long as P.H. stays here, she has something to keep her entertained for the next five months. The Liar (the nice young woman who had P.H.’s job previously, and neglected to tell P.H. all of the extensive personal work and weekend work she would be doing), is returning to the Emirates next February for her wedding reception.
The Hater and The Talker and EIGHT OTHER GIRLS are going to be bridesmaids in this momentous occasion. That’s right, ten bridesmaids. Seriously.
P.H. has tentatively been invited to this event…and, if for some reason she is still working here next February, will be delighted to attend.
...It's all Greek to me!
Apparently, the wedding has a theme and that theme is Greek. P.H. guesses this fact does not matter to anyone accept The Liar and the Talker and that 90% of the guests will miss this fact entirely.
More details as they come.
P.H. is back from a glorious trip to Amsterdam. The vacation was well deserved and entirely relaxing. Unfortunately (and unsurprisingly), the no stress situation did not last very long.
While booking Mr. Boss’s ENTIRE VACATION for he, the Piece, and most of the extended family, P.H. had to book train tickets. In the ridiculous amount of paperwork she gave to Mr. Boss before he left for the month (yes, 1 calendar month – including all hotel reservations, plane tickets, and, natch, the train tickets), he went and lost the confirmation for the train. As usual, when he misplaces something, he overreacts and calls P.H. in a panic even though she puts everything relevant in the calendar. P.H. cares little if he gets to Paris, or that he had to buy another set of tickets – after all, she is not entirely familiar with how trains operate in Europe, nor does she give a shit. More than anything, P.H. is irritated because of Mr. Boss’s idiocy, she will need to figure out how to get a refund for the perfectly acceptable advance tickets she purchased.
Secretly, P.H. hopes this little bit of passive aggressiveness goes a long way towards Mr. Boss asking for future travel items and is looking forward to the long overdue conversation regarding personal vs. professional work upon his return.
In each new job, there is a special time when everything is new and you are willing to forgive many transgressions. Unfortunately, that magical period comes to an end, and you realize well, there are a bunch of things that suck. This exact moment came yesterday for P.H. For a long time, she’s been able to let certain things go – reminding herself she’s very lucky to a) have a job b) work easy hours and c) get paid for it.
Then, she got this:
Do appreciate you always helping out but would also appreciate you being flexible as to Ramadan schedule because it really is not relevant given the workload we all have. That said, I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I just wanted to state the obvious so we are on the same page. Thanks.
Except, Mr. Boss, you are complaining. And do you know what you’re complaining about? The fact P.H. wouldn’t stay late to call the Apple store in New York to see if they had an iPhone. Also, that P.H. wouldn’t look up where to find jewelry for your girlfriend.
Mr. Boss, P.H. comes in early every day. She does not take days off. She is covering for four senior people because someone let the Talker go on holiday for 5 weeks (never mind, P.H. has only been with the company for 2 months) and the Hater is incapable of helping. P.H. does not take lunch. P.H. stays after work to call BNY. P.H. does more personal work than she ever thought possible. P.H. schedules so much stuff for your girlfriend, she begins to wonder if the Brazilian is possible of doing anything on her own. The saddest part? No one told P.H. about any of this during the interview.
Finally, Mr. Boss – you are supposed to be on vacation! In two days of being ‘on holiday’ you have generated more work than if you were here. P.H. wanted to use this week to catch up, and instead has been running ragged trying to ensure all of your precious calls, meetings, and overwhelming amount of personal shit gets done.
We need an HR department.
Lately, P.H. understands her growing disappointment with her current place of employment. On a surface level – it is everything she could ever ask for – hours that are awesome and easy, work that is not a challenge and leave plenty of time for writing / editing, a free Blackberry, free laptop, phone bill paid for, a ticket home, and, with the exception of the Hater – good coworkers, but at the heart of what they are doing, what is she putting her time and energy towards?
At The Firm, no matter how corporate and crazy it was, the work was still contributing to something greater. Although she never thought she would miss it, there is something undefinable about adding to society as a whole. In the new world of private equity, there is nothing particularly valuable…just buckets of money that get moved around and invested.
While P.H. knows she will one day look back at how crazy good (?) it was to work in this environment, part of her can’t help but feel she is missing out on something.
P.H. rarely asks for help from others. It’s not her way. Given who she works with – in the end, it is much easier and far simpler that she does things herself. While the balance of work has been completely off for over a month (P.H. – 4 executives + preparing for move vs. Hater’s 1.5 junior executives or less), P.H. has reminded herself she is happy to have a job that pays regularly, allows her to write, and gets the work done.
Then last week happened. Ramadan timings mean less time for work to get done. P.H. flew around the office while the Hater sat calmly, never ONCE asking if she could help.
P.H. didn’t feel it was necessary to bring up such immaturity and complete lack of work ethic to her seniors…but they eventually noticed. On Thursday, Mr. Boss called in the Hater and yelled at her for not helping. Then he sent an e-mail to everyone:
I am formally requesting that your job description is expanded to include working with The Talker and P.H. on overflow work. I know they will never abuse this privilege of being able to balance their workload through your help and thus please help out as much as you can as their request will always be out of genuine need.
Later in the day, P.H. came back to work after hours and they had a bit of a chat about the Hater. Everyone recognizes the Hater is difficult to work with – so why won’t they do anything about it? P.H. hopes this starts to spell the beginning of the end for the Hater.
P.H. has been completely underwater for the past week (more on how this special situation played out in upcoming posts). With the Talker gone for an inexplicable FIFTH week, an overloaded P.H. is just getting around to sharing some of the special moments.
The first of the batch is this super unprofessional piece (sent, natch) from over the weekend which P.H. had to read through a few times:
Can you make a check out to OUR COMPANY in the amount of SIGNIFICANT MONEY?
Once you receive the check from P.H. can you wire THAT SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT to Brazilian piece? Do this in the local currency. Otherwise we incur too many fees. Please do this first thing Sunday.
Wait just a minute, Mr. Boss… What on earth could this money be for? Let’s put aside the fact you are more or less using the company you work for as a temporary holding place for serious amounts of cash. Let’s also put aside that now you’ve involved P.H., the Accountant, and now, by default the two senior Partners. Let’s put aside you are traveling for an entire month and so cannot be here in person to sign anything. Let’s put aside the fact that you’ve entrusted P.H. with an unbelievably personal task.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT IS THAT MONEY FOR?
P.H. knows you pay for everything of the Brazilians. You pay for her travel, her apartment, all her meals, her insurance, so what is she going to use the significant amount of money for? Are you paying for her to go back to school? Does she have some family member who is sick? P.H. must find out!
What is this funding?!?!?!
More details as P.H. receives them.
While P.H. could never dress this way at work, much of the sentiments in this parody are true.
So what if the last story might be a fake, it’s still nice to think someone out there would try it.
BSCG, take note.
Actually, given the day P.H. had, she might have to read up.