Archive | October, 2010

Dear Next P.H.,

21 Oct

(N.P.H. sounds like Neil Patrick Harris, who is awesome, but P.H. digresses.)

To the person to inhabit this position next,

I pity you.  I pity you, because you have no idea what you’re getting into.  You cannot understand the level of dysfunction in which you will be expected to do your job.  You do not know that you will be expected to work – with a smile on your pretty face – every weekend.  You have no clue all the personal work you will get involved in – whether you’d like it or not.  You don’t know how utterly incapable some of your co-workers will be.  You cannot comprehend what a lack of an HR department can do.

And yet, maybe your future situation will enable you to realize you can do more with your life.  Maybe, like me, you will realize that you can be better and rise above the mundane challenges these petty bastards put in front of you.  Maybe you’ll understand there is more to life than co-existing with worthless conceited young women who aren’t going anywhere with their lives.

It may take you longer than 5 months, but I certainly hope it doesn’t eat up too much of your life.

You are better than them and don’t ever forget this fact.

Make your life worth something more than a paycheck supporting sycophants and unqualified executives.

~P.H.

(This blog will continue…in some form or another…but it might be time for P.H. to get a new title).

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P.H.’s new work win.

21 Oct

When P.H. asked her new work what she should bring on Sunday, here was the response:

“Your Brain, Sense of Humour and copious amounts of Tenacity!!”

You can only imagine P.H.’s level of excitement.

Irony.

21 Oct

Mr. Boss has asked P.H. to print out (personal) documents (for the Piece).

Apparently, he is sending her to school.

Her field of study?

Psychology.

P.H. laughs at the ironic couple.

Less than.

21 Oct

P.H. is elated as today is her last day…

As she sits next to the Hater, she realizes this young woman is the most argumentative, pessimistic bitch she has ever had the pleasure to work with.  In the past 4 days, she has seen a person who refuses to do pretty much anything and will not help with the transition.  She has never met someone so against actual work.  At the end of the day, work is what you make of it.  You can make it fun – laugh at the stress and craziness, or you can hate the world and everything around it.

P.H. smiles to herself as she knows precious Hater will be in for a rather rude awakening next week.  No matter what the Hater says, she will be required to do some of P.H.’s job.

In which P.H. gets a signature.

18 Oct

So, you may have asked yourself, “why is P.H. putting up with all this bullshit?  Why does she not just leave this place or crazy and dysfunction?”  The answer, dear reader, is because she needs to have her labour card canceled so she can begin her new job without issue.  If the labour card is not canceled, it will be very difficult to legally work at the new office.

P.H.’s biggest hurdle?  Getting the signature of Mr. Boss on her handover notes.

P.H. played the game yesterday and today quite well, sending nicely worded e-mails and, in her coup de gras, left a hard copy of the notes with Mr. Boss’s kryptonite.

With a ‘sign here’ tab.

Like any boss, management and executives rarely read what is put in front of them.  The sight of the yellow and red tab is their weakness and P.H. preyed upon it.

With 3.5 days to go, she needs only another signature (not from Mr. Boss) and to hand in all her crap.  Easy.

Muwaahahaha!!!

“Are You Calling Me a Liar?”

18 Oct

i.e. the printer is not for printing!  The office has now devolved to a state of complete dysfunction.  Case in point, the only nice Puppy came up this morning, out of nowhere and SHOUTED at the Hater – repeatedly calling her a liar.  Her crime?  Actually, P.H.’s crime – printing out documents for a meeting in the Puppies Den using their printer.  While P.H. knows the Hater lies every day, in this case, her mulleted co-worker was in the right.

The angered Puppy strictly told the Hater and P.H. that they were not to use the printer and furthermore, the printer should be moved out of the den.

You can NEVER USE THIS AGAIN.

You are a sad strange little man…

17 Oct

…and you have my pity, Mr. Boss.

To infinity and beyond!

It’s a special day for P.H.  Sitting in reception is not fun.  Sigh.  Four days to go.

Last week.

16 Oct

Here's hoping.

P.H. is trying to be optimistic about what she hopes will be her final five days.  When she started this job, she thought she had everything she wanted.  It wasn’t enough.  She is grateful to have been pushed to her limit and proud to be leaving.

New levels of immaturity.

15 Oct

Most Annoying Puppy got in a snit yesterday because “someone used his trashcan?!?”  P.H. could not control herself and said, jokingly, “Seriously?  Control much?”  Then, above his outrage, P.H. calmly informed him that she and Nice Legal Person had enjoyed their lunch in the office and that was how the mystery trash ended up in the trashcan.

She believed he was more lame than ever, but mistakenly thought that’s where things would end.

She was so so wrong.

She received a CORKER of an e-mail from Mr. Boss today (why he is opposed to picking up the phone and calling her with his many issues is beyond her) in regards to many things, but also “in the sake of privacy, you will need to transfer your things to sit next to the Hater.”

Yes, the Puppy snitched on P.H. for her comment.

Is there no end to how low her co-workers will go?

Five days, people, keep your fingers crossed P.H. comes out alive.

Oh no she DIDN'T!!!!

How Mr. Boss handles things.

14 Oct

Hope all is well.  I am really not happy w the state of our offices.  Thanks.

P.H. wants to know how this e-mail will help anyone.  This brief missive was sent to our contractor by Mr. Boss.  She wishes he would just work from home.