PH accepts that living on the other side of the world will cause jet lag for whenever she travels. However, she has not once skipped out on her duties at work as a result of travel. She may have been a zombie, but she’s been on time and completed her responsibilities.
Mr. Vanilla (who, thank the Lord above is moving out of the department on Sunday) was home over the last week. Yesterday was his first day back. He was in late (as usual) and out early. This morning? He called EXBFM (his boss) and said he was ‘wrecked’ and would be coming in late. Yesterday he accomplished little to nothing and she expects today will be much of the same. Additionally, as he moves on to his new post on Sunday, she knows he will fail. He is literally walking into a position he will have no success at and PH can’t help but enjoy the schadenfreude.
Clearly this is an excuse to be 2 hours late.
PH wonders where EXBFM actually came from. For the 7 meetings she has prepped to date for this horrible, horrible woman, EXBFM has not bothered to show up early to check out the room, confirm the handouts (of which there are plenty) and generally show an interest until the exact time the meeting starts. Even when EXBFM has marched her troll feet in early, she hasn’t so much as walked by the room to ensure the set up was correct. It’s not that PH isn’t untrustworthy or the Tea Girl isn’t entirely incapable, but PH wonders how EXBFM has got to this point in her life where she can be so hopelessly cavalier.
PH intentionally missed placing a flip chart yesterday. The reaction? Priceless.
Actual text from EXBFM this morning: OMG.* Overslept.** Will be there around 9:30. So sorry.***
*PH does not care for this with colleagues. ‘OMG’ should be reserved for casual conversation or friends only. She is neither.
**This is certainly not the first time. For someone in her 60’s, this woman has a real issue with getting to work on time. Honestly, what is she, 12?
***’So sorry’ would imply that EXBFM was going to actually help, assist, or support in any way once she arrived.
When PH did not respond with a text of her own, because really, she couldn’t care, EXBFM then CALLED PH to ensure the message was received. PH was a bit terse, but wondered why the call or the text. The meeting was scheduled to start at 10AM, which EXBFM still had plenty of time to arrive.
No, crazy German Physio. No, PH will not be your fucking servant at 8:10 in the morning.
Picture it. PH is in on Thursday (her last day of the week) ready to start her morning – tea brewing, leftover muffins from yesterday’s terrible training session and prepared to wade through the incompetence of her inbox. Cut to: random German lady with legit crazy eyes wandering in with all her kit and caboodle barking about getting an office open. First of all, ‘please’ is not to be found in this woman’s vocabulary. She then starts blathering on about having PH, who knows nothing about this woman or why she is even around so early, to call the Dean of the School (who is late for the appointment) and get him in – mach schnell. PH does what she can, but all the while wanting to tell this woman to back the fuck off, get some manners, and take her crazy eyes elsewhere.
PH does NOT want to see this first thing in the morning.
PH continually grows unimpressed with EXBFM – from her inability to understand basic social cues to yesterday’s gem. EXBFM strolled in around 9:30, only to realize she had (duh!) double booked herself with a physio and the Director. What choice did she make? The physio, obviously!
In addition to her excellence in scheduling, when asked on numerous occasions about specific, timely e-mails EXBFM repeatedly answered, “I haven’t read that yet.”
The time? 1:00PM.
The amount of time which had passed since EXBFM had arrive in the office? Almost 4 hours.
That thing in front of me? What do you mean I have to check it regularly?
Assumptions are perhaps, the very worst part of PH’s job. For instance, when PH was out earlier this week (she was sick, but not that sick), PH incorrectly assumed that a number of things would get done. However, when PH arrived to work the next morning, as expected, nothing was accomplished. For the precious
complete waste of time trainings EXBFM is in the middle of going through, a number of things need to happen: food to be delivered and set up (all on PH), endless workbooks, printouts, handouts and other wastes of trees (all on PH), setting up the room in a very precise manner (all on PH), putting the meeting in everyone’s calendar (PH again).
Rather than turn up early or think that PH would not live up to things, EXBFM strolled in 20 minutes before said meeting was going to start yesterday and immediately started whinging.
The worst part is how much EXBFM thinks PH cares about these events. PH thinks of them as nothing more than a ‘to do’ so she can move on get back to her normal life.
2 down, 2 to go.
EXBFM is having a number of ‘training sessions’ in the coming weeks. In the mind of EXBFM, PH is sure this is somehow the equivalent to nothing short of a visit from royalty or THE MOST IMPORTANT TRAINING SESSIONS EVER TO TAKE PLACE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. EVER.
Who is helping her plan? Naturally, P.H.!
P.H. could give two shits about any of the meetings. Where they take place, the precise set up, the fact a minority of unit heads have responded, what the people are fed, why the Events team are being difficult, or most importantly, why EXBFM is acting like she has never in her life scheduled a meeting before. Literally, P.H. is (again) having to hold this woman’s hand as she performs basic tasks, such as draft communication and send reminders. “I’ve been in meetings all day” is not an excuse.
Furthermore, EXBFM, if you have enough time to get a card and cake together for a birthday nearly 3 weeks away, perhaps you need to get your priorities straight.
We won’t talk about the $300 spent today on crap toys for these training sessions.
Director has just asked if you have the goals from the HR retreat last week?
Director can suck P.H.’s proverbial dick. She is busy enough with the extra pressure of Director’s spazzing because he may or may not have a job at the end of the month. Stop taking your stress out on your departments,