Ordering clothes.

5 Mar

PH lives abroad, but can order things from the US and have them shipped over.  This is a privilege which, naturally, the Hypochondriac, upon learning about has completely, totally and utterly abused and PH feels will be stripped away at any moment due to her co-workers extreme online shopping habit.

In what form?

Ordering clothes.

Where from?

Where else?

Victoria’s Secret.

Yes, the place well known for UNDERWEAR is where she has ordered no less than $500 (?) amount of clothes from.

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Bras, yes? Clothes, no!

 

Tape salt to it.

5 Mar

The Hypochondriac has been faced with a dilemma – a spot of oil on her shirt (no, not from the seaweed, this was from the ramen noodles she consumed in conjunction with the seaweed and cheese.  Sidebar: she currently has the following on her desk to eat and not part of the hoard half eaten grapefruit, remains of seaweed, remains of ramen).

How do you think she would combat said spot?

Salt.

Specifically, salt taped to her shirt.

That she’s changed out twice already.

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Only a slight exaggeration.

This is a (daily) snack.

5 Mar

The Hypochondriac enjoys snacking on seaweed + Kiri soft cheese.  She especially loves eating it DURING MEETINGS.

Picture P.H. vomiting in her corner.

Nori_sheets_smalldownloadNo.

 

Don’t ever.

18 Feb

If a bride-to-be says specifically, “Don’t wear white to my wedding,” P.H. begs please resist the urge to show her a picture of the dress you were planning on wearing that is MOSTLY WHITE.  Furthermore, do  not assure the bride that you will cover it up.  Do everyone a favor and buy a new dress to the wedding you invited yourself to.

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Except with even more white.

P.H. can’t.

12 Feb

The Hypochondriac is…on another level.

1.  3 appointments this week (including one getting fitted for a daytime mouth guard)

2.  Talking constantly about her aches and pains (literally from the moment she enters the office)

3.  Seeing medical professionals and attention from a variety of fields

4.  Speaking to whoever led her “workout” the other day to see what or how she ‘strained her neck’

5.  This sentence, “People pop their jaw out of alignment all the time – it happens constantly.”
*PH and Mirco Manager gave her a verbal slap for that gem.

She’s a constant distraction and dum dum PH forgot her noise cancelling headphones!!

We get it, you know everything.

4 Feb

imagesThe tone.  The constant I’m better than you and you’ll never know what I know tone is killing P.H.

IT’S ONLY HER FOURTH WEEK!

HAS P.H. MADE A COLOSSAL MISTAKE?

Hypochondriac.

3 Feb

Takes too many painkillers/drugs in general, damaged her liver (?), cannot take anything for period.  Complains about period.  Hunches over desk in pain.

Go home, Hypochondriac.

PH doesn’t care.

Volunteering of information/over-informing.

3 Feb

headdesk

The Hypochondriac literally cannot stop talking.  Her need to attention is unbelievable.  Her ability to argue everything, including small things is mental.  Ask for something simple, get an entire textbook and nothing but personal ‘me me me’ examples.

People, it’s only the 4th week.  What is P.H. going to do?

A new definition of loud and other grievances.

3 Feb

So, the P.H. has arrived at a new School.  There are a few new characters in her department including, the Micro Manager and the Hypochondriac.  P.H. isn’t quite sure how she feels about them.  In literally record time, the Hypochondriac has quickly risen to the extremes of severe annoyance that P.H. has never previously encountered.

In a small office, there is not time or space for:

1.  Shouting

2.  Constant personal calls

3.  Butting in on everything

4.  Being a know it all

5.  Aggressive tones

6.  Constantly speaking in another language

7.  Showing up late

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Send patient thoughts P.H.’s way, friends.

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Also applies to the Director.

21 Nov

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